i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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