Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
