He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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