And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
