Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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