I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
