So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
