I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
