I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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