I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
