Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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