Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
