There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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