I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
