Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
