It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
