i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
