Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
