i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
