I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just had sex bonerless
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
