I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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