break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
