Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
