i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
