Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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