I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
