Sorry, I don't speak sober.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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