So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
