another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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