we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
