Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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