I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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