Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
