I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
