I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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