why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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