I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
