And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
