so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
