So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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