I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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