I'm so fucking centered right now
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
