not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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