we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
