i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
