Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
