I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
