My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The power of my boobs compel you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
