what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
