Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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