I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
