Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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