My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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