dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
