My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
