I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
