I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
