your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
