apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
